Yesterday was a shitty, shitty day, one that I don’t want repeated for ages.
Logan kicked off first thing because she didn’t want to go to study group, why??, because you have to STUDY, oh my god, she hates everyone that goes there, and she doesn’t want to learn anything, or do anything . I am seriously getting fed up with her attitude at the moment, it feels like I have 2 toddlers in the house, and Will is the better behaved one. The GCSE group is just a tutorial where they can all work together with guidance from L*. I know if she doesn’t go there she will do NOTHING at all. Logan will not do anything that I want from her at the moment. I organised with her to meet different people on the tube so she wouldn’t have to travel by herself, so Logan didn’t show up, she made sure she caught a much later train so that she made them all late to group, now no one wants to meet her, their parents aren’t too impressed with her either and I can’t blame them. At group I try to make a bit of a joke out of her being abit away with the fairies and not keeping track of the time, in reality I am fuming and I have to ring her constantly on a Monday morning to make sure she is going where she needs to go. She only wants to play on the computer, thats it, nothing else.
She comes bounding down the stairs in the morning full of love energy and hope, hoping she will be allowed on the computer, if I say NO, she cracks it and storms up the stairs. If I say yes, I get a hug, I am told how much she loves me and I’m given a cuppa. Don’t get me wrong I don’t care if she want to hate me because she can’t go on MSN to talk to friends called “Venom” or “F*** the parents, F***the bulls****”, but when you are still waking up, getting Will fed, convincing the other that they need to wear a dressing gown instead of sit on the heater, that slippers are good, getting Mark an Ironed shirt and discussing whatever need to be done that day, trying to go to the toilet, and give Will a boob all while Logan is whinging in my ear about MSN until I crack and say
“ENOUGH, GO ON THE BLOODY COMPUTER”
* cue Skippy smiley loving Logan.
The boys received a phone call from their dad, he never rings unless I beg him to ring so this was a surprise, the boys were happy to hear from him, Logan was happy she wasn’t hear to have to talk to him, then the backlash started. Riley is easy going, he either hears from B* or doesn’t he isn’t fussed, he looks to Mark for a male role model. Erik on the other hand gets mad and shitty. He wants to know why B* doesn’t call more often, why he can’t remember important things about Erik ( Like cadets, B* kept saying something about Erik going to Hospital) Then I get to deal with Erik for the rest of the day. Erik’s thing at the moment is this
“If I get married and have kids and then break up with the mum, I am never going to forget that I have kids and even if they live in another country I will always call, I hate being forgotten about, it feels shit”
What right does he have to make his kid feel forgotten and worthless, I’ll tell you he has NO right at all. Next time he rings I just want to say…….you know what it doesn’t matter, because next time he rings I’ll happily hand over the phone to the kids saying cheerily
“Guys, your dads on the phone who wants to go first”
Instead of what I really want.
I on the other hand I’m happy that he shows this side to the kids, I know that sound bad but I am sick of making excuses as to why he doesn’t call them. I promised myself I would never, ever put their dad down and I never have, he does it all himself.
Then to top it all off Erik lost the keys to the back door as he was trying to lock us in the house, then when the boys started to wrestle, Riley got the broom and broke the fire place, the quote I got for it to be fixed it almost exactly the same amount it will cost for me to replace the dishwasher that died.
WHY CAN’T I GET A BREAK
I have a massive amount of anger in me at the moment that I normally wouldn’t vent on this blog as my mum reads it. There is a time when it has to be done and I think this is no where as angry as I want it to be.
I need a day where I can go looking Thur Op shops by myself and have a coffee without talking or breaking up a fight. I want to go hours without validating anyone, I want to go get a massage and maybe get the pinched nerve in my back finally seen to. There is a huge selfish part of me going on at the moment. Then I look at the kids and realise I don’t want the hours break, what would I do with it, if I saw something funny I would have to ring them to tell them about it and there is no fun in that at all.
I would still like to do the Op shops by myself though.