Logan

Logan turned 14 this week and I feel older than I did this time last week, much older. I have started reading Sense of self: Listening to Homeschooled Girls by Susannah Sheffer The first page got my mind ticking over, it is abut the changes that take place in girls in the 14-16 year age bracket and how hard it is to stay true to themselves.  That was in relation to teen girls in the school system, but it does make me think about what Logan might try to hide hoping that we will be more ” Accepting ” of her.   Don’t get me wrong we don’t put down her choices, of clothes, hair, music etc, but I wonder if there are things going on she doesn’t tell me. 

The kids at group have that school yard mentality even though a lot of them haven’t gone to school.  One of the boys has a real punk hair do with pink streaks in it, all the other boys took one look at it and pronounced him a gay guy that will get mugged??? WTF.  Erik got called gay because he dresses nice, not in big baggy black hoodies with a scowl on his face,  I have heard a rumour that Logan is a lesbian because she sleeps over at her friends house and doesn’t have a boyfriend.
So how do you know if they are being true to themselves, or even us ?? how do we know that when they say they are happy they aren’t really crying their eyes out during the night.  Kids know that there are some things you keep from your parents,I know this is a bit of a rant but I chose to home educate to show them the way the world works, and at the momet I am not liking what I have to show them.
Now about me, I have been knitting like a demon lately and have so far made myself an Alpaca cardigan, Will a hat with ear flaps and matching mittens, a pair of stripey socks and Logan a pair of fingerless gloves, at the moment I am knitting Will a cable jumper out of a cashmere/merino wool blend and it is heaven to touch, I am using the same wool just a different colour to knitt Eddy a jumper. Every spare minute is used to knit at the moment.
I need the therapy of knitting to calm me down, The kids still haven’t heard from their dad and Ed is still angry. I think it is due to his dads lack of caring plus a testosterone surge thanks to the wonderful world of puberty, I thought it was hard with Logan but that was a walk in the park compared to what I am going through with Ed. Now I never smack the kids but the other day I was scared that I was going to throw him through a wall, thank god he went out because what I felt inside really scared me.
I have explained to the wonderful Ed, he has decided to try knitting to see if it helps calm him, hmmm, so far it is not working and he has a version of punk rock knitting going on, it goes like this.
Knit,knit,knit
AAARRRRRR
WHAT IS GOING ON IT LOOKS LIKE A KNOT ON THE NEEDLE
( now ed throws the knitting across the room and storms out screaming)
KNITTING IS SHIT
20 minutes later
Mum can you fix my mistakes
Well Ed I could but when you threw your needles all the stitches came off, so why don’t you pick it up and try and put it back on the needles.
( after picking it up)
WHAT IS GOING ON WHAT ARE STITCHES AND WHAT IS KNITTING
SO far he is angrier than he was before he started, great.
But
He has down several inches of knitting that looks a bit wonky but I have a very proud boy. so proud that he is planning his next project which is something for me.

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